Choosing Your Identity: How to Become The Person You Want to Be

Most of us think our identity is fixed — that we’re “just” a certain kind of person.
“I’m messy.”
“I’m bad with money.”
“I’m not creative.”

But these aren’t facts — they’re stories we’ve gotten used to telling ourselves for years.

Who you are is not a static thing. Your identity evolves through the small, conscious choices you make every day. How you speak to yourself, how you move through resistance, how you show up when no one’s watching — and when they are.

The question isn’t Who am I?
It’s Who am I becoming through the choices I make?

Want to hear me talk about this topic? Watch the video below, then come back to the article for the exact steps to choose your own identity.

The Mindful Art of Becoming

One of my favorite questions to ask when someone is feeling impatient or waiting on a specific outcome is, “Who are you becoming while you wait?”

Every action subtly reinforces who you believe yourself to be. When you act in alignment with your values — even in the smallest ways — you start building trust with yourself.

This isn’t about pretending or performing. It’s about remembering and allowing. 

Remembering the version of you that exists beneath the noise and conditioning — the calm, confident, creative self who’s been waiting for space to lead — and allowing her to show up fully as she is.

How to Live More Authentically (Starting Now)

1. Get clear on who you’re becoming.
Not in vague terms like “better” or “more confident.” Picture her, get in her mind.

What kind of woman do you want to be?
What does she care about?
What is she doing about it?
How does she move through her day?
How does she talk to herself when things go wrong?
How does she treat others and let others treat her?

2. Take one aligned action.
Identity shifts through gentle repetition.

If you want to be a writer, write for 5 minutes.
If you want to feel grounded, take a minute just to breathe before you go on social media.
If you want to be more organized, clear things off your desk or bookshelf.

Every time you take an action that reflects who you want to be, you strengthen that version of you. You bring her alive.

3. Notice resistance — and meet it with curiosity.
When your mind says, “You can’t do that,” ask, “Why not?”
Usually, it’s an old story trying to keep you safe.
You don’t have to buy into it. Notice it, thank your mind, and remind yourself that you get to choose differently now.

4. Realign through mindful awareness and committed action.
When you act in a way that matches your values, pause and name it:

“I just responded to an email the way calm-me would.”
“I showed up as a writer today.”

And when you notice yourself drifting from alignment, that’s a great opportunity too:

“This reaction doesn’t reflect my value of kindness — how can I soften?”
“I almost said yes from pressure and guilt — what would self-honoring sound like?”

This is how identity shifts: not through perfection, but through presence.

Remember: You Don’t Need to Become Someone Else

Becoming who you want to be isn’t about turning into some perfect fantasy of a super-woman. It’s about coming home to yourself. Peeling away the conditioning, guilt, and fear that kept you small. Letting your authentic self take the lead.

When you choose your actions with awareness and intention, you begin to remember who you already are — capable, creative, grounded, and free — and allow yourself to act like it.

If This Speaks to You

This is exactly the kind of work we do inside Mindful Mavens — my monthly membership for heart-led women practicing living, leading, and creating with intention. Inside, you’ll receive personalized coaching, courses, and a warm community that help you build self-trust, take aligned action, and bring your authentic vision to life—without the pressure or burnout.