How To Love Yourself
I had an interesting conversation with a couple recently. They told me how they often fall into a cycle: one partner brings up an issue, the other gets defensive, and they both end up feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and invalidated. Like their needs don’t matter. (Think I’m talking about you? I’m probably not. This is just a really common issue among couples.)
In one pivotal moment, it became clear why. The partner raising the issue never actually said what they were feeling or needing in that moment. They just led with the problem and left their partner to guess what’s at the core of the issue. But when you lead with a problem instead of how the problem makes you feel, it makes sense why your partner will feel attacked and get defensive, instead of offering you support and validation. Neither will get what you ultimately want, which is connection.
The solution for my couple and for you is simple yet profound: Slow down before the conversation even begins. Notice the moment emotions start to rise. Pause. Get curious.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What triggered this feeling?
What need is asking to be met? (What do I actually need emotionally in this moment)
What do I want my partner to know about how I feel and how I’d like to be supported?
And — here’s the key — Don’t bring it up to your partner until you can answer these questions.
(You can tell them you’re processing your feelings and would like to talk to them once you have, and you can give them a specific time like later tonight or tomorrow, especially if you’re noticeably upset when you notice your feelings intensifying. Do some self-care, exercise, shower, cool off, go for a walk, then ask yourself these questions, and only then bring it up to your partner.)
Loving yourself begins with slowing down enough to meet yourself — your feelings, your needs, your desires — with curiosity, kindness, and nonjudgment.
Get to Know Yourself First
Do you even know who you are today?
What do you like, dislike, crave, enjoy?
When’s the last time you felt that full-bodied, all-consuming, fully-here-and-now kind of elation?
Loving yourself means getting to know yourself deeply so you can give yourself what you need — before expecting others to do it for you.
Whatever you want serves a purpose. You want something (or someone, or some place) because you think it will make you feel a certain way:
A vacation to feel relaxed and carefree
A glass of wine to release tension
A new car to feel powerful and in control
But here’s the thing: humans are famously terrible at predicting what will make us happy.
If fancy cars, luxury bags, or tropical getaways truly “worked,” everyone who had them would be happy. But they’re not.
External things aren’t bad — they just can’t fill an internal void. An emotional need.
If you feel miserable inside, you’ll still feel miserable… even on a yacht with your designer bag and your wine glass.
Start With What’s Here
This isn’t meant to be a buzzkill — it’s meant to be a wake-up call.
Right now is the moment that matters.
Pause and ask:
What am I trying to feel?
What feelings am I trying to run away from?
What do I believe will finally make me happy?
And is any of that actually true or is there something deeper?
What specifically do I think that thing, person, or place will give me?
Is there something I already do or have that makes me feel calm, free, grateful, or joyful — even in small ways?
Because here’s the truth:
You already have access to the full spectrum of feelings you’re chasing.
You don’t need external things to create those feelings — you just need to tap into what reliably brings them out in you.
When you can do that, you stop waiting for life to change before you let yourself feel good.
And the next step is often the hardest one: Allowing yourself to actually feel good. Because if part of you feels unworthy, you might deflect it, doubt it, or sabotage it.
Loving yourself means practicing both: Nurturing the feelings you want and letting yourself have them when they arrive.
Why It Matters
When you know how to meet your own needs, you stop asking others to guess them.
You stop waiting for someone else to fill the emptiness. You know what to go after that actually matters and how to ask for support when you need it. You speak clearly and vulnerably, which opens up space for deeper, more meaningful connection.
And that’s when your relationship transforms, because it’s no longer built on wishing or guessing, but on knowing and sharing who you truly are.
Create the Life You Actually Want
If you’re ready to stop guessing what will make you happy and start building a life that truly feels abundant from the inside out — Magnetic Reality will take you there.
You’ll learn how to understand and regulate your emotions, meet your needs with compassion, communicate clearly with others, and develop the deep emotional, practical, and energetic skills to sustain a life and business you love.
Keep Practicing with Support
Want ongoing support as you integrate these shifts?
Join Mindful Mavens — a warm, heart-led space to practice mindfulness, emotional mastery, and self-leadership with personal coaching from me and community support from other intuitive, impact-driven women (Magnetic Reality unlocks automatically on your 4th month).