Why You Sabotage Your Own Happiness (And How to Feel Joy Again)
A lot of people don’t talk about it, but joy can feel threatening.
You’d think feeling happy, hopeful, or at ease would be the most natural thing in the world — but for so many high-achievers, it’s the hardest state to stay in. The moment things start to feel good, their minds jump straight to danger.
What if this doesn’t last?
What if something goes wrong?
What if I get my hopes up and it all falls apart?
This fear of “the other shoe dropping” creates a cycle where even genuinely good moments feel unsafe. Instead of being present with what’s here now, you find yourself scanning for problems, replaying something painful from the past, or predicting something terrible in the future.
And without meaning to, you end up sabotaging your own joy.
Not because you’re negative or dramatic, but because your nervous system learned that feeling good comes with risk. If joy has ever been followed by disappointment, chaos, or unpredictability, your system remembers.
The truth is, joy isn’t the problem — it’s that your body doesn’t feel safe enough to hold it.
And that’s something you can shift.
Here are three gentle ways to start letting yourself feel more joy — without bracing for impact.
1. Name the fear instead of fighting it.
When joy shows up, your mind might say:
“Don’t relax. Don’t get too excited. Something bad always happens.”
Instead of pushing that away, try:
“I hear you. You’re trying to protect me. And right now, I’m safe.”
This calms the part of you that learned to be on guard. Acknowledgment creates regulation.
2. Practice micro-moments of joy, not giant ones.
Big joy can feel overwhelming if you’re used to protecting yourself.
Tiny joy — a warm coffee, a quiet minute, sunlight on your face — is much easier for the nervous system to hold.
Let yourself savor something small for five seconds at a time.
Those seconds stack.
3. Use guided practices that anchor you into the present.
Your mind might try to jump ahead or rewind — but your body stays here.
A short guided meditation helps your system feel what’s happening now instead of preparing for what might come next.
If you want a simple way to start, I recorded a quick practice for you:
👉 5-Minute Meditation for Joy
Use it anytime you want to soften, ground, and feel more joy in the moment.
Joy becomes safer with practice.
You don’t have to force it, chase it, or earn it — just allow small moments to land. Over time, your mind and body learn that it’s okay to feel good right now.
If you want a space to practice this kind of emotional work — where joy, stress, fear, and everything in between are all welcome — Mindful Mavens is where we do it together. It’s a supportive community where you learn to regulate your nervous system, trust yourself through every season of life, and feel more grounded in who you are and what you are creating ❤️