How to Feel More Joy and Peace in Daily Life: 7 Rules to Live By
We all have our own rulebook for life that shapes how we think, feel, and interact with others. We’d like to believe that other people follow a similar rulebook to ours, and often feel disappointed when someone goes ”off script.”
The problem is that we don’t have a copy of each other’s rulebook so it is actually unfair to assume anything about anyone, even though it makes so much sense why we’d want to.
This week, I’d like to share my rulebook with you.
Of course, it’s not a comprehensive rulebook, but it has 7 specific reminders I come back to regularly that help me approach life with more peace, ease, and grace.
Here’s a video I shared on the topic, with additional details below.
1. Nothing that’s meant for you will miss you.
I believe I first heard this quote from a coach I worked with a few years ago. I was a couple of years into my business and found myself comparing my progress with that of others. In reality, I was feeling frustrated that I’m not further along in my business or meeting my own standards for “success.”
This presents two problems:
a) We never really know anyone else’s actual status. We only know what we are shown publicly. Therefore any assumptions we make about how great or miserable their life is, is actually based on whatever they choose to show us and not the whole story.
b) We assume that we’re on the same path as other people even if our goals, values, and backgrounds are totally different. In reality, why would my results be the same as anyone else’s if I’m an entirely different person, living an entirely different life, running a totally different business?
Therefore, what if we instead trusted that the path I’m on is exactly the one that will help me reach my goals and anything that’s intended for me will be right here and not anywhere else?
Because the truth is, it can’t be any other way. Whichever way I go, whichever decisions I make, will all lead me to exactly the outcome I’m going to get.
So I might as well believe that what’s meant for me won’t miss me. It can’t possibly because that’s the path I’m on, my own.
2. There’s no such thing as mistakes.
This is something I’ve adopted the last few years. We only label something a mistake in hindsight.
No one says, “I’m going to make this decision and I know with certainty it will be a mistake.” Because if you knew it was a mistake, you wouldn’t make that choice, right?
So it’s safe to assume we all make decisions hoping for the best, most favorable, or at least not the worst outcome, and it’s only once we get it and reflect back on how we feel that we may call it a success, a failure, or a mistake.
Otherwise, we’d only ever make successful, beneficial choices, don’t you think?
So you can think to yourself, what’s the actual benefit of calling something a mistake? In an ideal world, it’s so you can learn from it and make a different choice next time. But however you slice it, you still can’t guarantee a positive outcome because you don’t know what will happen in the future or how you’ll feel about it.
So what if you instead believed that there are no mistakes? There are only ever choices you make with the best intentions, and then you learn how to proceed. That’s called learning, and it’s something we do our whole life.
3. You’re always on time for your life.
Similar to the first rule, you’re on your own path. If you ever feel “behind” in life, ask yourself, “what is this based on?” Usually, it will be based on something you see around you related to other people.
So again you have to remind yourself, you’re on a different path. Even if your path overlaps with someone else’s or you share similar goals, ideas, or experiences with them, no matter what, you’re the only one who’s on your specific path.
No one else has been you before. Therefore, whatever path you’re on, is the right path for you. That means there’s no such thing as speeding up or being too slow. You’re only ever right on time.
4. Joy, fun, and happiness are essential to life.
Psychology and human behavior dictate that people are always in pursuit of pleasure and trying to avoid pain and suffering.
That makes sense.
So while we’re at it, why not prioritize joy and fun? What is life about if not to experience things that make you happy? Do things you find fulfilling?
This does not mean you only ever do things for fun. But it does mean that you don’t forget about prioritizing activities you enjoy and that enrich your life.
So many people focus on overcoming challenges, which can be really satisfying. But surely you don’t want to live through a life that’s always a challenge, right?
And if that’s the case, you have to shift your focus intentionally towards joy and fun.
This is why I’m so adamant about knowing your core values and making values-based choices.
If you know what’s truly important to you, you can make choices in line with those values. That means you can experience more balance in doing things that enhance and fulfill you in life.
For example, a combination of challenge, mastery, joy, pleasure, ease, and achievement vs. just any one of these alone.
5. You’ll never regret taking a deep breath or a break when you need it.
Since I practice mindfulness regularly, I often pause what I’m doing to give my eyes a break from the screen, my legs a stretch from sitting, and take a few deep breaths to ground myself.
This “mini-break” helps me gain clarity on where I want to put my attention instead of just being on autopilot. It also lets me recharge, refocus, and make decisions with clear intention.
During this time you can evaluate how you feel and what you need so that you create a plan that works for you.
Sometimes it’s just that. A quick 10 second deep breath. Other times, it’s the beginning of a lunch break, or a wind down for the night.
When you do this mindfully you’ll never wish you just worked through it. Because if the answer is that you need to work more, you can always choose to work more mindfully. But if you realize you actually need a longer break, then had you just worked through it you would feel exhausted and possibly burnt out.
Therefore, taking a mindful breath or a break is something that can only ever benefit you.
6. Be curious.
Curiosity is an underrated skill.
It is not something that comes naturally to everyone, as shocking as that was for me to first learn.
I’m a naturally curious person and always have questions about anything and anyone. This has gotten me in trouble in the past, but as an adult, and a professional, it’s only enhanced my connection with people and helped me understand them better and deeper.
If you want to improve your relationships with yourself and others, practice curiosity. Ask thoughtful questions about people’s thoughts, goals, hopes, dreams, feelings, values, opinions, and anything else that can help you understand them a little bit better. You may be surprised how much new information you learn, and how much closer to each other you feel.
Revealing information, especially information we’re not often asked about can feel quite vulnerable. And when we’re held through that vulnerability with safety and care, we can’t help but feel affection towards the person that cultivated this experience.
This is why 1:1 sessions can be so special. They create intimacy in a way we don’t typically experience in day to day life. So if cultivating meaningful connections is something that’s important to you, you can always start by practicing curiosity.
If you do so, make sure you don’t have an agenda or attachment to the answers you get. The point isn’t to lead whoever you’re talking to to a specific answer, but to learn and grow from any answer they give you and to formulate new questions based on their actual responses, and not how you think they should respond.
The above is a mini-lesson on mindful communication and loving others which you can learn more about through these two different links.
7. Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have at the time. And, it’s also okay to have feelings about that.
I believe that most people are doing their best at any given moment. This doesn’t mean that they give 100% all the time, but it means that they give what they can. If they’re at 50% then they’re giving 50%.
They can’t give you any more than what they have to give and they can’t give you anything they don’t have.
For example, you can’t expect 100% from someone who’s currently sick or sleep deprived. They simply don’t have 100% to give you.
Similarly, you can’t expect someone to speak fluent French if they’ve only ever spoken English. They simply don’t have that resource.
Often we walk through life believing that people are intentionally trying to screw us over, when in reality they’re doing the only things they can with the only resources they have.
Now it’s important not to forget the last part, which is that you’re allowed to have feelings about wherever those people are in their own journey and whatever they can or can’t give you.
Just because someone is sick and can only give you 50%, doesn’t mean you have to like it.
Just because you expected someone to have a specific resource, doesn’t mean you can’t be upset if they don’t.
In these instances, it’s helpful to check in on your own expectations. Is there a rule you let drive this expectation? Where did it come from? Can it be okay that other people perhaps don’t follow this rule?
I know this can be easier said than done. And at the end of the day, if someone found your actions disappointing, wouldn’t you rather they believe you were doing your best than assuming the worst about you?
You don’t have to adopt these rules. However, I find they help me cultivate more compassion and kindness for myself and others, and ultimately lead to experiencing more peace, joy, and contentment in my everyday life.
If this was helpful, feel free to share with someone you think might benefit. And if you want to practice applying these principles in your own life while being supported in a community of caring women working towards creating a positive impact in the world, consider joining Mindful Mavens. It’s my monthly community for emotional mastery, mindful living, and grounded self-leadership where you get access to all my resources and personalized group coaching from me.
p.s.: An unspoken rule I’ve found to be true as well is that the more you practice being mindful, the more frustrating it can be when other people don’t practice it. This is a paradox in a way. Practice kindness, curiosity, and compassion with yourself in these moments, and remember that just because you value mindful living, doesn’t mean others do, or even if they do, they might choose to do it in a different way from you. It’s okay for them, and it’s okay for you to have feelings about that, too.