Why You Overthink: The Meaning-Making Pattern Behind Shame and Self-Doubt

Overthinking rarely begins with facts. It begins with meaning.

There’s a question I ask almost every client when they’re spiraling, second-guessing themselves, or convinced something has gone wrong: What meaning are you making here? About the situation — and about yourself?

Most people pause because we rarely realize we’re making meaning at all. We think we’re reacting to reality.

We’re actually reacting to our interpretation of reality.

You send a text and don’t hear back. You launch and fewer people sign up than you hoped. You say something slightly awkward in a meeting. The event happens — and almost instantly, your brain assigns a story.

Meaning-making is the brain’s protective tendency to assign an explanation, a category, or an identity to anything and everything. It wants clarity. It wants to know what just happened, how it will affect you, and what it means about you as a person.

This is a foundational principle in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). It describes the relationship between events, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Often, it’s not the event itself that shapes our reaction, but the interpretation of the event.

Sometimes those interpretations help us. Other times, they fuel overthinking, shame, and self-doubt — preventing us from doing what we value.

Why Your Brain Jumps to Conclusions

Your brain is wired for certainty. It prefers a quick explanation over an uncomfortable unknown.

Evolutionarily, this system kept humans alive. When our ancestors heard a noise in the bushes, it was safer to assume danger than to debate possibilities. Quick interpretations increased survival.

The problem is that in modern life, this same system now reacts to emails, launches, and social media posts as if they are life-threatening events.

You send an email and don’t get an immediate response.
Meaning about the situation: “She’s upset. This is bad. I messed something up.”
Meaning about yourself: “I’m unprofessional. I said something wrong. I’m not good at this.”

The event was neutral. The story was not.

Once the story forms, emotion follows — anxiety, shame, embarrassment, urgency.

Then action follows emotion — over-explaining, withdrawing, worrying, scrapping the plan and starting over.

All from a meaning you didn’t consciously choose.

How Meaning-Making Creates Shame and Doubt

A thoughtful, capable woman launches something and fewer people sign up than she hoped.

Event: Lower sign-ups.
Meaning about the situation: “It didn’t work.”
Meaning about herself: “I’m not cut out for this. I failed. Other women are better at business than I am.”

Disappointment becomes shame. Frustration becomes self-doubt.

Then behavior shifts. She hesitates next time. She over-prepares. She delays. Or she stops entirely.

The numbers did not contain shame. The meaning did.

This is the pattern I see constantly — even in high-capacity, self-aware, heart-led women. Women who understand the theories and have done the inner work, but still get pulled into mind drama without realizing it.

“Mistakes” Are Meaning-Making in Action

You say something awkward. You invest in something that doesn’t pan out. You launch before you feel ready.

In hindsight, you label it “a mistake.”

But no one wakes up intending to make mistakes. In the moment, you acted with the information and clarity you had.

“Mistake” is applied to the story later. But that label carries meaning.

Meaning about the situation: “That shouldn’t have happened.”
Meaning about yourself: “I’m careless. I’m incompetent. I should have known better.”

Once identity-level meaning forms, shame enters. And shame changes behavior. You shrink. You hesitate. You overcorrect. You compare.

What if instead you asked: What did this teach me? What would I adjust next time? What data did I just gather?

The event doesn’t disappear. The emotion doesn’t magically vanish. But identity-level shame softens — and when shame softens, action becomes possible again.

Comparison Is Meaning-Making Too

You see another woman’s success. She posts a sold-out launch.

Event: She sold out.
Meaning about the situation: “She’s ahead.”
Meaning about yourself: “I’m behind. I’m not as good. I’ll never get there.”

You’re reacting not to her life, but to the story you created about it.

You don’t know her full data. You don’t know her profit margins, her ad spend, or her actual experience. You have a curated snapshot.

But your brain prefers certainty over nuance, so it assigns meaning quickly.

How to Stop Overthinking and Take Back Control

You may not control the first interpretation that arises. But you can question it.

Curiosity is the pivot point.

Let’s slow it down.

Event: She didn’t reply to my text.
Meaning: She’s upset with me.

Mindfulness allows you to notice the emotional reaction. Curiosity asks what’s underneath it.

What evidence do you have that she’s upset with you?
What other reasons could explain why she didn’t respond yet?
How would you feel if you found out she lost her phone, was in a meeting, or was overwhelmed herself?

Notice how quickly certainty softens.

When you notice emotions rise, pause and ask: What meaning am I making here? What am I making it mean about myself? Are those meanings facts — or interpretations shaped by fear, history, or perfectionism?

Self-trust isn’t built by eliminating thoughts and feelings. It’s built by realizing you are not obligated to believe every story your brain produces or act on every emotion you feel.

Meaning Shapes the Life You Build

As we’ve seen through CBT, the model is simple:

Event → Thought → Emotion → Action.

The thought is where meaning is created. And meaning contributes to identity.

If you believe, “This failed because I’m not capable,” you will act differently than if you believe, “This didn’t work yet, but I can improve it.”

Most people try to control results. Some try to control emotions. But the real leverage point is in shifting the meanings you create.

Change the meaning, and you change the emotion, the action, and potentially your entire trajectory.

That’s not hype. It’s psychology. And it’s mindful living.

If You’re Stuck in a Meaning-Making Spiral Right Now

Understanding this intellectually is one thing. Interrupting the pattern in real time is another.

If you notice your brain assigning meaning that’s keeping you stuck — labeling something a mistake, assuming the worst, spiraling into self-deprecation — the goal isn’t to think more.

It’s to take one grounded step that disrupts the cycle.

That’s why I created From Stuck To Started. It’s for the moment you realize you’re replaying the same old story — and remember you get to write a new one.

You don’t need more certainty. You need action.

If You’re Ready to Lead Yourself Differently

A reset creates movement. Pattern interruption changes how you lead.

Inside Mindful Mavens, we look at the meaning beneath the reaction. The identity beneath the hesitation. Once you see the pattern, you stop outsourcing your authority to shame, guilt, and outdated stories that were never meant to run your life.

You don’t need anxiety to keep you sharp or self-doubt to keep you “on your toes.”

You make cleaner decisions. You recover faster. What used to feel like failure starts to look like growth.

When you change the meaning you live by, you experience more freedom, joy, and abundance. You become a mindful leader.